The Clarity that Arises From Spaciousness

Having the time and space to decompress before and after making significant decisions is something that I feel is underrated.  It’s not all about facts and the choice that you are making.  The process of decision-making is something that I have found has changed with time and life experiences.  As I have transitioned from full time anesthesia practice to full time work with my energy business, supplemented by occasional anesthesia work, I have found that many things about my life process have shifted to facilitate the changes in my work life.  I would jokingly tell my friends that the thing I found that I most treasured was not having to get up when seemingly 98% of the people in my time zone were still sleeping.  Not gonna lie; I do not miss rising before 4AM, with a full slate of self-care and fur baby care before I left for work an hour later.  What I also didn’t realize is how that time frame and schedule created its own sense of hurry and mini chaos in my life.  

When everything you do is predicated on fitting a time schedule to get you out the door and on your commute in an hour, you miss much of the little things that flavor your life with joy.  Later morning rising has led me to discover the different routines in my neighborhood and meet a different group of neighbors walking their dogs.  When I was doing anesthesia, I was positively the only person walking my dog at 330AM and 430AM. I am totally grateful that my happy-go-lucky pup went with the flow and never protested or rebelled at my whacky schedule.  But waking later had meant that I have more time to enjoy his antics in the morning without hyperawareness of the passing of time and the stopwatch of how much time I had left to get to work.  A big thing that I did was give myself props for sustaining that pace for 20 plus years.  For me, there is much appreciation for my consistency and dedication during this career aspect of my life.  From this appreciation I also identified a desire to leave space for allowing, serendipity and going with the flow in my full time energetic medicine and energetic management business.

One of the differences about working and career in the energetic world is one that seems obvious; you have to go with the flow and energy.  Seems obvious right?  Actually, “going with the flow” is far from intuitive and the first response for an anesthesiologist with a subspecialty in neuro anesthesiology.  This combination is kind of the ultimate in micromanager, type A, always on alert personality and work attitude. Going with the flow is not the ethos.  The official crest of the national anesthesia society, the ASA, and incorporates a lighthouse guiding a ship through rough seas.  This symbolism is used to represent the anesthesiologist safely steering their patient through the challenges of anesthesia and surgery. There are other symbols employed, but the essence of the meaning of the emblem and motto boils down to the term Vigilance. Frankly, other than me following my intuition as well as my medical training in my medical practice, much of what I did as an anesthesiologist was primarily predicated on me following known anesthesia practice, precedent, and medical research. I was always on alert for potential changes in vital signs and patient reaction to anesthesia and surgery. 

I had to have a keen sense of how a surgery case was going, the surgical technical aspects of the case and the impact of anesthesia on same and keep those factors front of mind. The factual aspects of anesthesia practice were my steering principles.  The energetics had to take a back seat in my awareness.  As I have transitioned into having my energetic business as my primary work, that hypervigilance has taken a back seat.  I have had to unlearn and undo years of type A hypervigilance habit and ways of being. It has meant taking time for meditation and feeling and thinking about the energetics and feelings of a situation first before acting.  It’s involved a lot of trust that The Universe had my back and would assist me to accomplish my goals.