Self-Care is Critical

This quote from the Dune series of books by Frank Herbert has been one of my favorites since I read the books as a teen.  It comes in and out of my awareness at various times, and each time it does, I learn a few more truths about fear, and about myself.  One of the blessings of life is encountering other seekers of truth who say or write things that help you take out and examine your truths and search deeper for meaningful solutions to issues and problems.  Sometimes that search for the solutions is triggered by current events that then lead you to look at past traumas and unravel the way those traumas continue to impact your life.  Rather than focus on the negative aspect of this quote (focusing on fear), I will focus on the thing that is the antidote to fear, love; specifically, self-love and self-care that arises from that self-love.

One of the first things that goes out the window during stressful times is breathing and unstructured recovery and contemplation time, to be replaced by panic and worrying.  People immediately focus on the fear, since it seems to be the five-thousand-pound elephant in the living space that must be addressed before everything else.  The problem is there, staring you right in the face, and OF COURSE you should immediately regard and face it and fight against it.  But that’s one of those slippery conundrums that people forget.  By focusing on and over-reacting to the fear, you give it more power.  Remember my blogs about how Energy goes where attention goes?  Yup, this is a prime example of what happens when you give too much energy to what you don’t want.

I went to a lovely Leadership Wellness retreat on the weekend of April 19 that focused on cultivating centeredness through meditation and intentional action to uplift the spirit and focus on positive actions we can take.  The exercises we did during the day-long retreat began with engaging all five of our senses and included movement therapies through qi gong and tai chi that activated our energy meridians. We spent time as a community, both in silence and talking about our observations and reactions to our experiences during our time spent in the ephemeral community of our retreat.   Ultimately, we were led to journal on and focus actionable things that we could do to sustain ourselves as we gave to others in our individual communities and job places.  We also committed to being accountable with a partner within the group to follow through on our new actions and processes.  Were we aware of current events? Yes.  But the leader of the retreat recognized that our REAL power lay in focusing on our self-care through movement that maintained our personal energy.  We had meditation to allow time for silence, and a journey within.  We discussed using the self-focus and equanimity gained through the practices learned during the retreat to enable us to better serve our families, communities and jobs.  There were 12 of us in attendance, and through this time away from our normal busy activities we bonded as a group of attendees and one leader, and new friends who were able to develop actionable steps we would take to improve our lives and self-care. By the end of our retreat, we would be better able to be present and available for both family and community and any challenges inherent in those arenas.  As we face the chaos and disruption of a tumultuous socio-political environment, we learned experientially that the way through the chaos was to focus on centering, and personal peace as a foundation to deal with the disruption and fear inducing activities.

As Herbert pointed out, we die a little bit at a time when we only focus on fear, and the possible, but not actualized results of fearful actions.  The resulting paralysis of action can lead to not taking actions, and decisions that could help our personal and community situations.  As an example, have you ever noted that the more you focus on the upcoming cliff that you desperately want to avoid in your car, that you make it much more likely that you will indeed follow the direction of your focus and head over the very cliff you are trying to avoid?  You are better served by being aware of the cliff and the pitfalls but focus on staying close to the center line of the roadway and maintaining a safe speed and course that avoids focus on the cliff. Worrying about the potential catastrophe of heading off the cliff is exactly what you should not focus on. With calm, rational action and decisions that support focus and centeredness, you can make decisions based on rational thought, action and process.  In essence, you can face your fear with equanimity and calm, and decide to take a course of positivity and proactive behavior that will sustain and uplift rather than destroy and terrorize. 

My newly revised journey of equanimity and centeredness continues my early morning three breath gratitude meditations and caring for and walking my puppy before work. Getting up at O-dark thirty and being on the road super early is not a positive time for me to contemplate a formal meditation regimen. My major behavior adjustment occurs after work.  After being present with my puppy, my new process involves taking time to meditate and focus on the immediacy of my breath before beginning my home activities and studies to learn Brazilian Portuguese for an upcoming trip. This is just my formula for self-care and centeredness.  The specifics of what you choose to care for your mind, body and spirit may take many faces, but whatever the process, they should result in a person with resilience who can successfully deal with any challenges that occur. By generating equanimity and positivity within yourself, you will then have the capacity to share your equanimity with family and community.  Interdependence, and being stronger together are the results.  In my process I allow space for positive adjustment and processing of my often hectic workday, being present to my evening activities, and managing my center and focus as I do both.  This type of centering lets me deal with work, starting a business, and focus on thriving and enjoying my life, rather than just putting up with it.  Life and the present are a gift.  We are much better served by attending to our self-care by claiming joy as our birthright rather than being controlled and manipulated by fear of the unknown or possible.  Fear takes a hike, and a triumphant you remains.  NICE WORK!